Max Vs Steven Universe
by Guacola772
Summary: Max and Aquamarine are great friends and both die-hard Steven Universe fans. They are both beyond hyped for the season 5 finale which is about to air, although Aquamarine can't be with Max at the time of airing. However, just as the show is about to start, a clumsy accident from a clumsy Max sends the two into the episode - where they can change the events in any way they see fit.
1. Split Screens

_Max stares at the screen, at the edge of his seat, as he watches Yellow Diamond descend in a spaceship. His eyes are glued to the screen as the Crystal Gems, now complete with Lapis Lazuli, Jasper, and the healed Centipeetle, look on in horror. There is a huge gush of smoke, as Peridot hides behind Steven, who summons a bubble to protect her._

Yellow Diamond: I want my Peridot. Hand me the Peridot or else I will obliterate all you miserable idiots in the blink of an eye!

Max: _*gasp*_

Steven: W-w-we don't… don't know… where…

Pearl: Peridot is on Neptune!

Yellow Diamond: WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY SO? Come on Fluorite, take us to Neptune.

Fluorite: Engines revving, thrusters on, to Neptune we go!

Max: Wait.. what?

 _Credits roll_

Max: Are you SHITTING ME? What the actual fuck was THAT? That was the BIGGEST ANTICLIMAX EVER! What the HELL Crewniverse? What gives?! Now to go bitch about this on Re-

 _Max suddenly awakes in his bed. It's 5:37am on the morning the season five finale airs in the US. There is still another 19 hours before it airs and will be uploaded online to watch_

Max: (Thinking) That's the 5th sodding incarnation of the season 5 finale in one night! Urgh and the bloody neighbour has started drumming again. Well that's all I'll be sleeping tonight I guess.

 _Max gets out of his bed and boots up his laptop. He goes onto the Steven Universe Wikia and reads the page on Season 5 Episode 24 for the 200th time. This was last week's episode. He reads the vague title and description of episodes 25 and 26 yet again, knowing that tonight will finally be the night this two-parter airs. Everyone on the Reddit and Wikia is extremely hyped. Max gets out his phone, and rings his friend Aquamarine, who is currently staying in Switzerland for 2 weeks_

Max: Hey, Aquamarine, are you ready for tonight?!

Aquamarine: I absolutely cannot WAIT! It's a shame that I won't be watching it till like, 2 in the morning though. Screw timezones.

Max: Yellow Diamond is coming to Earth! All KINDS of shit is gonna go down tonight!

Aquamarine: Hey isn't it like, 5:45am where you are?

Max: Yeah, my stupid bastards for neighbours have decided to start playing the drums again.

Aquamarine: Ughh ASSHOLES.

Max: So if I am even going to be able to stay up tonight I'll probably need to splat out at some point during the day.

 _Max looks at the crack in his laptop screen caused by where he carelessly shut the thing with a rubber inside two days ago_

Aquamarine: I have to go prepare for my interview now.

Max: And I have to sit here and wait for 10 when my first class is. I'll be back at 3 then I'll try crash out on the bed. Ugh I'm so tired I've had like three Steven-filled hours of sleep tonight. And I know my neighbours, they're gonna play the drums till the cows come home. So there's no hope of getting any more sleep tonight. Might as well just draw a comic.

Aquamarine: See you later.

Max: Bye.

 _Max hangs up the phone, and for absolutely no reason, being the clumsy idiot he is, drops his phone. It lands hard on the ground._

Max: Shit!

 _Max picks the phone off the ground, and sees the screen is cracked._

Max: SHIT!

 _7pm. Max has just got back from hall dinner and Aquamarine is back in her hostel room. Max rings Aquamarine through Skype._

Max: Hey!

Aquamarine: Hey!

Max: Only five hours till it airs in the US! Man I have been looking forward to this episode for so long I cannot even explain!

Aquamarine: I know… I've been into this show almost as long as you, and I've known you all that time lol

Max: I remember when Chille Tid was the last episode. And when 4-month hiatuses were the norm! The Summer of Steven was cool, and now people are finally beginning to appreciate Super Watermelon Island for the top-5 material that it is!

Aquamarine: New generation of fans I guess.

Max: Well tonight better top Jail Break for all this hype!

Aquamarine: Hey, let's do something new tonight. Let's stay on the phone whilst we watch and hear each other's live reactions!

Max: OMG YEAH! We can physically watch each other drawl a river like when we watched Message Received for the first time!

Aquamarine: Now we just have to twiddle our thumbs and wait.

 _The fire bell rings in Max's room._

Max: That's the fourth one this week!

Aquamarine: What the fuck is up with your fire alarms?! Does WIND set them off?

Max: Probably. See you in a bit. Bye!

 _11:30pm. Max rings Aquamarine again._

Max: That was a bless cigarette. I'm on the Wikia Chat. It's going absolutely bananas, people getting kicked every single second from all the hype. I can barely keep up with it!

Aquamarine: Look at the timer on the front page! 28 minutes to go!

Max: It just flipped to 27! IT'S HAPPENING! IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING!

Aquamarine: _Squeeee_

Max: 27:45!

Aquamarine: Urgh hang on a second. My roommate is coming in speaking Spanish as usual. Hola… Por favor déjenos solos por un rato… Hemos estado esperando mucho tiempo para esto… ¡Mear fuera!

 _Aquamarine starts nattering away in Spanish too fast for Max to be able to tell any syllables apart from each other. She goes on and on and on to her roommate in Spanish, whilst Max sits there bored, watching the timer._

Aquamarine: Sorry about that. Heh. Roommates. I finally got him to leave for the night. He was NOT happy.

Max: FIVE FREAKING MINUTES! Now 4:55! 4:50!

Aquamarine: HYPE HYPE HYPE! 4:30!

Max: Urgh this is going TOO SLOW. Maybe if we talk about something else the minutes will just tick by!

Aquamarine: Sounds like a plan!

Max: So you know how there's a big fat crack in my laptop?

Aquamarine: The one you made two days ago? Yeah… what about it?

Max: This morning I dropped my phone. And guess what happened to it?

Aquamarine: I don't believe you.

Max: Hey look it's working, only two and a half minutes!

Aquamarine: Did you seriously crack your phone too?!

Max: Yeah. Absolutely no reason whatsoever. Just me being a clumsy wanker as usual. OMG only ONE MINUTE TO GO!

Aquamarine: 57 SECONDS!

Max: Do you want to see my cracked phone screen? Hey, I'll turn on video so you can see it.

 _Max turns on video and holds the cracked phone up to the laptop's camera_

Aquamarine: Shit you really smashed it! THIRTY SECONDS!

Max: Look at this, two broken screens side by side.

Aquamarine: TWENTY SECONDS!

Max: The cracked screens are like, brothers. Look at it!

Aquamarine: TEN SECONDS!

Max: I wonder if I can get the cracks to kiss!

Aquamarine: FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE!

 _As Aquamarine says "zero", Max puts the two screen cracks against each other. SUDDENLY, there is a HUGE zap of electricity. The electricity shakes the air and shoots through Max's arm._

Max: AAAAAAHHWUHUIFHIUEHFUIHHFHHGHHHH HELP! I'M BEING ELECTROCUTED!

Aquamarine: MAX!? MAX?!

 _The electricity surges all the way through Max's body and enters the laptop. Aquamarine's laptop starts glowing._

Aquamarine: What the f-

 _A bolt of electricity surges out of Aquamarine's laptop and hits her square in the chest, eventually circling her body too_

Aquamarine: ITHRWIUHDWHDIUHIUHDIUFHIWUH IT'S HIT ME TOO!

Max: TELL MY MUM I LOVE HEEE-

 _Everything fades to black for both. They both suddenly wake up on a large double bed with a price tag and a woman nearby. The word "SALE" in large red letters appears above them._

Woman: Don't miss out on our discount sale for a limited time only on this King-size double bed. Just half-price, down to $500, and super duper comforta- WHAT THE FUCK?! OOPS I swore on.. WHO ON EARTH ARE THESE PEOPLE!?

Max: AHH! (Jumps out of the bed) WHAT JUST HAPPENED? WHERE'S MY ROOM?!

 _Max sees there is a Cartoon Network logo in the corner of the room._

Max: Oh my god. Aquamarine, wake up! We somehow teleported into Cartoon Network! The episode of Steven Universe is JUST ABOUT TO START… And we're… IN IT!

Aquamarine: What the-

Max: It's the adverts currently, Steven is JUST ABOUT TO START!

Aquamarine: Please tell me this is a dream.

Max: DUDE this is AWESOME! We can literally change anything we want! And we get to be INSIDE THE STEVEN EPISODE! Watch this!

 _Max jumpscares the woman, who runs right through the wall of the room in the Advert!_

Aquamarine: Wait so… we're INSIDE Cartoon Network?!

Max: YEAH! It looks like it, see the logo?

Aquamarine: Holy shit… we actually are… AND STEVEN IS ABOUT TO STA-

 _Aquamarine is cut short as the screen fades to black, and the two materialise in a strange location..._


	2. Cut The Air

Garnet: We…

Gems: Are the Crystal-

Steven: GEMS!

Max: Oh….

Aquamarine: My….

Max + Aquamarine: GOD!

Garnet: That's why the people of this world…

Aquamarine: HEY CONNIE! Aww she ignored me!

Max: (singing) GARNET AMETHYST… AND PEARL….

Aquamarine: AND STEVEN!

Max: Damn I blinked, did you catch the episode title?

Aquamarine: No, sorry I was looking at the ocean!

 _The scene changes to inside Steven's house._

Max: OH MY GOD WE'RE IN STEVEN'S HOUSE!

Aquamarine: OMG! I don't see anyone here, let's WRECK THIS PLACE!

 _Max and Aquamarine start throwing Steven's toys and bed-sheets everywhere. Suddenly the warp-pad activates, and Steven, Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl and Peridot warp in. They do not look like cartoon figures to Max and Aquamarine._

Aquamarine: HIDE!

 _Max and Aquamarine dive under Steven's bed_

Max: (whispering) We are literally IN THE PRESENCE OF THE CRYSTAL GEMS! AND THEY ARE **REAL**!

 _Aquamarine starts to cry from getting overwhelmed and emotional at the moment_

Aquamarine: (whispering) Look! There's Garnet! RIGHT THERE!

Max: (whispering) PERIDOT IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!

Amethyst: Wait… hush everyone… did you hear that?

Max: (whispering) DID SHE HEAR US?!

Amethyst: There it is again! That sound! Can nobody else hear it?

Garnet: Nope?

Pearl: Are you just hearing voices again?

Aquamarine: (whispering) Man Garnet looks REALLY weird in three dimensions!

Pearl: I heard it that time!

Steven: It kinda sounded like it came from… under the bed…

Max + Aquamarine: (under their breaths) AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Max: I swear to god my fanboy box is about to expl-

 _Warp pad activates again. Lapis and Jasper enter._

Aquamarine: (louder) IT'S LAPIS! LOOK IT'S LAPIS! SHE'S BEAUTIFUL IN THREE DIMENSIONS!

Max: (actually shouting) MY FANBOY BOX EXPLODED! KABLAMO! KAPOWIE! AAAAHHHHH!

 _Max runs out from under the bed_

Pearl: What the flip?!

Garnet: GEMS, WEAPONS.

Very confused viewer from North Dakota: Who the hell is THAT?!

Max: AQUAMARINE! RUN!

Aquamarine: Hey, whoa whoa, we're just humans! Put those weapons away!

Amethyst: What were you doing under there?!

Aquamarine: It's complicated.

Peridot: What is your name?

Aquamarine: Aquamarine.

Lapis Lazuli: SHE'S A GEM, WASTE HER!

Steven: Whoa hold your horses. She… doesn't look like a gem… she actually looks like a very… normal human to me.

Lapis Lazuli: SHE JUST SAID HER NAME IS AQUAMARINE!

Steven: Lapis… you don't understand… humans sometimes name themselves after gems.

Lapis Lazuli: Why on Earth would they do that?!

Steven: Gemstones are shiny and pretty to humans… non-sentient ones you know.

Garnet: Aquamarine. You should not have crashed in our house unexpected. This is a dangerous area for humans. We will have to ask you to leave.

Lapis Lazuli: W-wait… are there any humans called Lapis Lazuli?

Steven: No I don't think so. But Jasper is a name.

Jasper: Hmm?

Garnet: Please leave, and tell your friend not to crash here anymore. There is stuff going on here that you do not understand.

Aquamarine: Oh trust me, me and Max understand EVERYTHING about gems. We're huge fans of the show!

Garnet: How so? Most of the world is totally oblivious to our existence.

Aquamarine: Ummm… we… kinda teleported in here from the outside. MAX! MAX! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!

 _Max is outside totally naked_

Max: Trying to make this show edgier than Adventure Time! (starts screaming swear words)

Aquamarine: STOP THAT!

Pearl: STEVEN COVER YOUR EARS!

Steven: Pearl I'm like 14 do you think I've never heard a swear word in my life before?

CN Exec 1: We have just had like, 500 calls in the last minute alone about this episode of Steven Universe. What the hell is going on here?

 _The CN Execs look at the on-air screen, and see Max naked and swearing, Pearl covering Steven's ears, and Steven resisting._

CN Exec 2: What the hell is going on?! This is NOT the episode we were handed! Yellow Diamond is supposed to be arriving and there's meant to be panicking and explosions and shit!

CN Exec 3: Look at our twitter page! We're getting like 2000 confused tweets a second!

CN Exec 4: The Crewniverse members are freaking out on their Twitters too! Absolutely overwhelmed by fan response.

CN Exec 2: Should we cut the air?

CN Exec 3: Yes.

CN Exec 1: No. Hang on. Let's see where this goes.

CN Exec 4: Dude, look at the screen! Some naked dude twirling his wang and cussing! This is NOT acceptable for a kid's show! Obviously the file was adulterated on shipping or something! I mean, the thing DID have to go through some pretty shady areas!

CN Exec 1: It's okay now. The kid is getting the crap kicked out of him by those lesbian space rocks.

TO BE CONTINUED!


	3. Rewritten

Peridot: ATTACK HIM! HE HAS A FOOT-LONG SNAKE ATTACHED TO HIM AND HE'S TRYING TO HIT US WITH IT!

Steven: Peridot! Stop! Umm… yeah… Peridot that's actually… well… if a male human ever takes off all their-

UK Viewer on Live Stream: Man this episode is gonna get SO heavily censored here!

Aquamarine: (yanking Max over) DUDE! Okay. You've caused enough trouble. We're leaving.

Max: Ughh FINE…

 _Aquamarine and Max go explore the boardwalk_

Max: I'm wondering something… how on Earth did getting two screen cracks to kiss teleport us into CN US? Shouldn't it have put us into CN UK? Or just into my laptop? I mean, I didn't even have a TV in the room with me!

Aquamarine: Errmmmm… ehhh…. I actually had it on illegal livestream.

Max: Wait… so we're inside an illegal livestream!?

Aquamarine: Uhhh yeah. What? How is this worse than what YOU were doing on the beach?

Max: Excuse me, YOU were going to watch it WITHOUT ME!

Aquamarine: Yeah, payback for when you watched Sadie's Song without me!

Max: I can't believe you sometimes! I'm going to link-spam you SO hard once we get out of here! Expect 4000 links, your computer to crash and burn, and flood your room with crying!

Aquamarine: You're so nice sometimes.

Max: Anyway, enough keystoning.

Aquamarine: Yeah. Now remind me. What was the plot of this episode again?

Max: Yellow Diamond shows up. The gems prepare for Yellow Diamond's appearance in this episode, and in the season 5 finale, they all duke it out. Peridot is gonna get poofed and bubbled away, and the season 6 premier will be the gems having to infiltrate Yellow Diamond's ship to retrieve Peridot's bubbled gem.

Aquamarine: Sounds exciting!

Max: Yeah but we both know that no matter how amazing, exciting and inventive this will be, everyone on the Reddit is gonna bitch about it being underwhelming or anticlimactic or rushed or forced or whatever. There's just no pleasing the people on Reddit is there.

Aquamarine: Wait a second… when exactly in the episode is Yellow Diamond supposed to show up?

Max: I dunno? Towards the end? This episode is them preparing.

Aquamarine: Dude, it's like, 7:08pm in America now. The gems had no time to prepare. We distracted them! Yellow Diamond is gonna show up and they are going to be unprepared! Heck, due to us they probably never received the message that Yellow Diamond was even coming!

Max: COOL!

Aquamarine: NOT COOL! Can you imagine if we'd leapt into Gem Drill and interfered with Steven and the Cluster? Everyone in this universe would have been killed, AND US! If Yellow Diamond destroys the Earth-

Max: I wonder what happens if we die in here. Do we die in real life t-

Aquamarine: OF COURSE WE DO!

Max: WHAT?! WE GOTTA RUN BACK AND TELL THE-

 _An enormous ship the size of the city descends and lands in the water, causing a mini tidal-wave and casting a blinding yellow glow onto absolutely everything. Extremely dramatic music plays and the whole city is put under a smog of yellow smoke. The fearsome matriarch slowly emerges from the enormous ship._

Yellow Diamond: (In a voice that is so loud it resonates through the ground) **PERRIIIDDDDOOOOTTTTTTT!**

Max + Aquamarine: HOLY SHIT!

Yellow Diamond: **HAND ME THE PERIDOT OR ELSE I AM PUTTING DOWN AN IED SO POWERFUL THIS MISERABLE HUNK OF ROCK WILL BE REDUCED TO NOTHING BUT A PLANET-SIZED CRATER!**

Max: Somehow her neck is even longer in three dimensions!

 _All the townsfolk run away. Yellow Diamond fires a laser pulse from her ship, and hits Peedee square in the chest. He LITERALLY explodes blood and guts EVERYWHERE._

Aquamarine: Oh shit! The gems didn't get a chance to evacuate everyone! That was supposed to happen in this episode!

Max: Oh my… I basically… just killed Peedee… oh god I am going to be the most hated person in the fandom!

 _There is a sudden loud SMASH that trembles through the ground._

Max + Aquamarine: GASP!

 _Yellow Diamond gets up, opens her fist, and blows dust in the direction of Max and Aquamarine. The dust drifts towards them._

Max: It's orange…

Aquamarine: She… JUST KILLED JASPER! Max, we HAVE to intervene!

Max: ARE YOU NUTS!?

Aquamarine: SHE'S GOING TO BLOW THE WHOLE PLACE TO OBLIVION IF WE DON'T!

Max: I DON'T WANNA BE IN A STEVEN UNIVERSE EPISODE ANY MORE! I WANNA GO HOME!

Aquamarine: You are going to be the most hated person in the fandom now, definitely.

Max: But first let's go to Suitcase Sam.

Aquamarine: Are you NUTS?! Now is NOT the time for that!

Max: A suitcase is a better weapon than none, huh?

Aquamarine: I'm surprised you're not just going to use your "snake".

Max: Oh come on that was BEFORE shit got real!

Aquamarine: Well it's that that got us into this mess!

 _Max and Aquamarine both loot Suitcase Sam to grab a suitcase each, and run back to the beach, where they hide under the (now heavily destroyed) house._

Aquamarine: I can't believe you just got Jasper and Peedee killed.

Max: Me too. They were my ship!

Yellow Diamond: **The Cluster is just bubbled huh?! Let's see about that!**

 _Yellow Diamond retreats into her ship, flies up out of view, then nosedives into it so fast the ship is on fire. The ship smashes through the ground and heads straight for the Cluster, stopping just short of the thing. She gets out of her ship and pops the bubble with a single finger._

Yellow Diamond: My Cluster, take form NOW!

Aquamarine: According to my watch it's now 7:22pm in America… the episode should have ended over ten minutes ago! The credits never rolled! This baby is gonna keep going until the Cartoon Network execs finally cut the air!

CN Exec 2: (Cigarette in mouth) This is fun!

CN Exec 4: (Blowing smoke out) I don't give a shit if this isn't the real episode, I am hooked, I wanna see where this is going!

CN Exec 1: (Puffing away) Scheduling team! Eighty-six anything else scheduled for this evening, we gotta run this baby for 24 hours! No! Make that 48!

Scheduling Exec: But what about Teen Titans Go? This was supposed to be the "Decade of Teen Titans Go" event! Steven was set to go on a four-year hiatus after this episode!

CN Exec 3: Let's make a deal. Let this thing run for as long as possible, then make it so everything for the next 10 years is nothing but nothing but nothing but Teen Titans Go!

Scheduling Exec: Sounds good for me! Let's do it!


End file.
